Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
