There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
