Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
