shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she looked like the before picture.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
