umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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