I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
