Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
