yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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