i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Randomize