If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How does one acquire holy water?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
