I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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