i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
