did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
