im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
