You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
