So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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