Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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