I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
