I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
