I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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