i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
