I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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