I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
