dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
