It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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