I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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