Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
