I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
