At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
dude i'm inner monologue high
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
