they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
