I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize