Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
