new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
