she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
