I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
