Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
