Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This toilet bowl is my home.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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