Will you blow on my dice?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
OPIZZABONMYDICK
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
