Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
