i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
