What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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