Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
