I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
