I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
