i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
