my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
