I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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