Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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