We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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