gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
