I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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