6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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