'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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