i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
