She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
