i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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