Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize