My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
