That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
