me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize