the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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