i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
did i just pee glitter
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
