I need help removing her.
I smell stomach acid.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Randomize
