its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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