remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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