i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
where are my eyebrows?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
