i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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