That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
