Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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