I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
