I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
